Relationship Archives

The Importance of a Christian Sex Guide

Most Christians do not engage in open discussion concerning their sex life. This is partly because most of them are brought up in a belief that sex is something that can only be enjoyed within the bounds of marriage, with the blessings of God. This upbringing, however, also affected the attitude of some Christian couples toward sex, not realizing the fact that sex is also an integral component of a healthy marriage life. Some Christian couples do not openly talk about it, thinking that it is taboo or not something that should be talked about. On the contrary, sex can keep the marital bond stronger. Thus for Christian couples wanting to revive or spice up their marriage life through sex, finding a Christian sex guide can significantly help them.  A good Christian sex book will help couples improve the quality of their sex life and understand the meaning of the act.

Sex for Christians and Spicing Up Marriage

An effective sex guide for Christian couples would emphasize the most important rule in marital sex for maximum pleasure – marital faithfulness. This means that an individual will choose to share the delights of intimacy only with their spouse and no one else. The concept of exclusivity is one of the main sources of pleasure during sexual intimacy. Biblical commandments also indicate that one person is prohibited from engaging in group indulgence. In connection with this, casual sex is not encouraged either. Giving pleasure is not the sole reason that drives an individual or married couple to engage in sexual intimacy, or else it depletes the act off of its deeper essence.

The sexual encounter becomes a trusting territory for married couples who are part of a long-term and committed relationship. This explains why sex is often interchanged with the term “making love”. This activity extends beyond physical form of sexual pleasure and reaches the deepest level of intimacy. At this point, a couple also learns how to let go of performance anxiety and develop deeper trust for one another.

The concept of mutuality is another important component to enjoying more pleasure in marital sex. Men and women have different needs when it comes to their sexuality. Men, for instance, are more interested in exploration during sexual play. Meanwhile, women are more into the emotional connection that they can get from love making. For some couples, it could lead to brewing tension as they have to come up with a compromise that fulfills both needs. It is therefore important for either the husband or the wife to practice mutual submissiveness. It must be their goal to satisfy the others sexual needs and desires, which will prompt their partner to reciprocate that. This will result in mutual satisfaction of their desires and reinforce their bond as married couple.

In addition, most Christian sex guides also assert the importance of both the husband and the wife’s willingness to provide pleasure to their partner and that the couple should see this act as more of a pleasure than as a form of responsibility.  This is what the Scripture meant about the sacrament of marriage as “becoming one flesh”.

Christian couples should not view sex as a mechanical way to fulfill their partner’s sexual fantasies.  Sex is something that should be enjoyed and there’s definitely a lot of ways that a couple can enhance their sexual intimacy. A good Christian sex guide, for example, is one great tool that can help married couples enhance the quality of their marriage. Such guides help couples gain an understanding of the meaning of sex, and various ways on how to enhance their sexual fervor while strengthening their marital bond.

Happy Christian CoupleThere is no doubt that emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy are key to a long-lasting and successful Christian marriage. However, as human as a husband and a wife are, they have physical or sexual needs that have to be satisfied. Unfortunately, some Christian couples find it hard to have sexual intimacy because of some of their preconceived ideas about sex. One of these is that there are no other Christian sex positions that they are allowed to use except the missionary position.

Missionary Position Is Not the Only Christian Sex Position

The idea that Christian sex should be confined to one sexual position is a fallacy. What Christian couples must understand is that there is no rule in the Bible that forbids married couples from trying out various sexual positions. In fact, there are certain books in the Bible, such as the Corinthians and Song of Solomon, which celebrate the physical pleasures that a husband and wife must give to each other.

Christian couples may need some help when it comes to trying out various sexual positions. One of the things that they can do is get a book or any Christian material that is tastefully written and illustrated for Christian couples who want to add more excitement to their sex lives. These resources can contain non-pornographic images that will aid Christian couples in trying out their new found, desired sexual positions. Keep in mind, couples should not be embarrassed by these materials. There is nothing wrong with consulting resources designed specifically for Christians, especially if they are doing it to help strengthen their marriage.

What Is The Right Christian Sex Position?

A better question might be, “Is there a ‘right’ Christian sex position?”  In short, no.  I would say the “right” position is totally dependent upon the couple and can and will vary widely among couples.

There are many sex positions (would you believe over 200) that couples can use or engage in, but they should take some things into consideration before trying out these positions. This is not to say that a position is bad or one position is better than the other. It is just that there are certain sexual positions that may or may not be right for a couple.

So what is an acceptable sexual position? First, a sexual position is right and acceptable if both partners agree to do it. Again, both husband and wife must be comfortable in doing it, otherwise, it defeats the purpose of trying various sex positions, which is to enhance and add more excitement to their sexual relationship.

With this in mind, discussing what they think about certain sexual positions or even sex in general is crucial in a relationship. Some couples may think that talking about sex is perfectly normal (which it is) and there should not be any problem with regard to this. However, they may be surprised to know that many couples do not actually talk about sex. It could be that they are too shy to talk about it, or it could be that they grew up in an environment where sex talk is taboo.

Moreover, any Christian sex position is right if it is not done for selfish reasons. If there is anything that holds true about Christian sex, it is that it must done with the pleasure of one’s partner in mind. If each of the couple has the others’ pleasure in mind, then the experience should turn out to be not only satisfying, but exhilarating for both partners.

Mutual Trust Is Needed For Couples to Enjoy Christian Sexuality

Discovering and trying out various Christian sex positions is new for many Christian couples, and some may feel awkward, if not hesitant or nervous at first. However, mutual trust holds everything together for a couple. Each must feel and know that one is not going to do anything to hurt the other. Only then will they be able to achieve complete and fulfilling sexual intimacy, which in turn strengthens the emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy that they already enjoy.

Remember, God created mankind in His own image.  He is the God of all creation and I am quite certain that His most prized creation are these amazing bodies that He gave us.  Don’t be afraid to get creative in the marital bed as the two of you truly become one flesh.

Top 10 Ways To Please Your Wife

Top 10 Ways To Please Your Wife” is an article authored by Doug Weiss, Ph.D, an internationally known speaker and therapist well versed in the area of marital relationships. I came across this article today and though it is probably a few years old, the information contained therein holds just as true today as ever.

 Maintaining the marriage relationship has seldom, if ever been a cake walk. It takes work. It takes dedication and it takes commitment. However, for those who are willing to put forth the effort, the rewards of a good Christian marriage cannot be expressed in mere words alone.

 Knowing this, I wanted to pass this article along and share these insightful tips to those men who are seeking to improve not only the sexual relationship with their wife, but to create a wholesome balance in the overall relationship with their partner in this journey we call life.

 Here is the article…

Top 10 Ways to Please Your Wife

By Doug Weiss, Ph.D.

Q: Based on your experience at counseling married couples, what are the top 10 things that seem to be most pleasing sexually to a woman that I could apply in my marriage?

A: Like most guys, you’re looking for the magic button on your wife to make her want you. Many guys make this mistake. They think women are like men—that a certain touch or look will get them sexually crazed.

Sorry, but women are absolutely aroused by emotional proximity, not physical proximity. Although a back rub might get you the results occasionally, don’t be fooled. She probably already wanted to have sex with you; she just wanted to get a back rub first.

Working your way into her heart is the shortest path to the bedroom. Here’s a real top 10 list:

  1. Put the kids to bed.
  2. Do the laundry.
  3. Say kind words.
  4. Skip TV for a couple of days.
  5. Don’t finish her sentences.
  6. Do at least two “honey dos.”
  7. Share a couple of your feelings.
  8. Compliment her (and not so you can get sex).
  9. Don’t grope her; hold her hand.
  10. Look in her eyes when she talks to you.

Q: My wife has gained weight since our marriage, and it affects me. It is difficult to talk about because she is sensitive about it. Do you have any advice?

A: You might not realize that the true problem is not your wife’s weight. If you are still fantasizing about young women with hard bodies, you’re reinforcing an image that your wife can’t compete with. Or, if during sex your eyes are closed or, worse, you’re thinking of other women, then your unrealistic expectations are the problem, not your wife’s weight.

Try this: When making love to your wife, keep your eyes open. Even while you’re having an orgasm, keep looking into her eyes. You will train your brain to connect to her spirit and soul, not just her body, during sex. Your issues with her body will reduce.

If you’re concerned about her health, start going for walks together. If she has serious health problems, a caring doctor will be more heard than a loving husband.

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is an internationally known therapist, author and speaker on marriage, recovery and men’s issues. He is the founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colo. For more information, call 719-278-3708, contact, or

Sex Advice for Newlyweds

newlywedsOf all the benefits of marriage, sex has to be one of the best. That’s not because it finally provides an outlet for you (as a Christian) to enjoy and please your spouse under the patronage of God. It’s because, in a Christian marriage, sex can be a unifying experience that provides both parties with the knowledge that they are creating a loving relationship with themselves and fostering a relationship with their mutual savior. Oftentimes, sex will be swept under the rug, but there’s nothing wrong with healthy sex in a healthy Christian marriage. God designed our bodies with the undeniable ability to give and receive pleasure in a fulfilling and intimate way.

In large part, Christianity has seemed to promote almost nothing about how married Christians should engage in sex. Indeed, it is often not spoken about thoroughly and accurately during sermons or one-on-one sessions with your pastor. Unfortunately, this leaves many Christian newlyweds left out of the loop. It can be hard to separate the concept of lasciviousness from the modern portrayals of sex. In a new Christian marriage, sex can sort of absorb those sinful, lusty concepts. You might find yourself approaching sex with a wary reluctance because it’s held this sort of negative specter for much of your life.

But newlyweds should not have to feel ashamed of their sexual desire for their spouse. Indeed, desire is something ordained by God in Christian marriages. It should not be skirted around or not talked about. Newlyweds should feel open to anything when it comes to their relationship with their spouse. Of course, being a part of a newly christened marriage might still have some natural obstacles. After all, newlyweds who have kept themselves pure will likely not have any experience when it comes to sexual interaction.

What newlyweds should understand first and foremost is that there is no need to rush anything. If you don’t yet feel comfortable engaging in sexual intercourse with your spouse, then you shouldn’t feel pressured (by either unsaid expectations or your significant other). It’s important to let things evolve naturally and allow yourselves to ease into the right kind of intimacy. It’s also important to seek God’s face through prayer and scriptural study. In a Christian marriage, sex must incorporate biblical and godly principles otherwise it becomes an exercise in (probably awkward) physical gratification. Pleasing your partner in a godly way will certainly be pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.

Is Oral Sex a Sin?

Relaxing after oral sexAs you probably know by now, God intended sex to be between a man and a woman in the bonds of a sanctified marriage. In a Christian marriage, sex plays an integral role in creating the loving, passionate, and caring relationship that creates strong familial foundations. Under the ambrosial auspices of a God-centered marriage, couples can enjoy one another in mellifluous displays of intimacy and supreme romantic love. All of this, of course, is divinely warranted and encouraged. After all, the Bible speaks to the fact that a married couple is no longer comprised of two separate entities. It is, instead, an amalgamated single flesh in which husband belongs to wife and wife belongs to husband.

Certain problems can arise in the actual practice of making love in a Christian marriage. Many Christians might have questions about the types of permissible sex even though they are firmly entrenched in their sacred vows. Perhaps one of the most talked about forms of intimate sexual interaction involves oral sex. Indeed, it can leave certain Christian couples at a crossroads. It can be a great way for one spouse to receive pleasure from the other, but it has a sort of murky moral underpinning. Many Christians might be wary of engaging in oral sex if only because it might go against God’s word.

In reality, it only relies on personal convictions. There is no mention of oral sex in the Bible though some verses in Song of Solomon have been interpreted to make reference to the joys of oral sex and it can indeed be just as valid of a way to achieve sexual intimacy between two committed Christian lovers. If it is something that doesn’t feel right to you, then you don’t have to engage in it. However, there is nothing that expressly prohibits oral sex in any book of the Bible. It can lead to a dangerous precedent if it is performed merely as a means to achieve personal satisfaction. If there is no mutual affection during the course of any sexual experience, then you can more or less be certain that God isn’t in that anywhere.

Even so, deriving pleasure and intimacy from any sexual interaction can be beneficial to all marriages. If your sexual practices happen to exist outside the “mainstream,” it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are bad. Again, sexual coercion, in any fashion, is likely not the way to go about having meaningful, spiritual sexual experiences. When both partners find the experience enjoyable, then it is sure to also be pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.

Modesty and Immodesty in Christian Marriages

Christian marriageThe human body is a wonderful thing, and if you are in a committed and loving marriage, there’s no shame in exploring it. Married Christians often tend to think of sex as something immoral or at least outside the realm of valid Christianity. However, God designed our bodies with the distinct capability to enjoy one another. Of course, this enjoyment only arises out of a marriage between a man and a woman, but it can be one of the most beautiful things on the planet. Indeed, marriage is an institution that provides a certain kind of pleasure that exists beyond simplistic gratification.

Making love to your spouse can be one of the most rewarding experiences in the life of any Christian couple. It can, however, come packaged with a certain kind of shame. Indeed, modesty is one of the major issues in the sex life of married Christians. For years, we are told that modesty is one of the most valued traits to be found in both Christian women and men. But sex, as it is most often depicted, is the epitome of immodesty. This idea can make the thought of Christian marriage sex seem almost entirely lascivious.

While it’s good to have that sort of check in your spirit, it isn’t really necessary once you’ve exchanged vows. Although modesty is certainly a prized attribute for any Christian, it doesn’t have to be constant. In the privacy of your own bedroom, you and your spouse should feel comfortable enough to do virtually anything you both desire. There is a certain sexual freedom that comes along with marriage that is sanctified by the Most High God. Modesty no longer becomes mandatory when you’re alone with your spouse because you have entered into the indelible bond of a biblical marriage. That is to say, your two bodies both literally and figuratively have become one.

Women should no longer have to feel bad about being “sexy,” and men should no longer have to feel bad about finding their wife irresistibly attractive. In the privacy of your own bedroom, your sexual decisions and desires come with the 100% approval of the Lord your God. All you need to receive this approval, of course, is to enter in to the benefits of a true, sanctified marriage with your spouse.

Foreplay for Christians: A Good Idea?

foreplay, sex, christian sexualitySex in a Christian marriage can be a tricky issue. Honoring the covenant you have made with one another can sometimes seem as if you are dishonoring the covenant you have made with God. Of course, just a brief glance at the Song of Solomon should let you know that there’s nothing wrong with sexual attraction or desire between a loving, married man and woman. God didn’t create sex as a reprehensible exercise in expressing your fleshly self. Instead, He created it to be a loving act of true connectivity—something that should be embraced by all married Christians.

Sometimes, though, there can be a fine line between just going through the motions and really having an intimate bond with your spouse. After a while, the sexual act itself can seem like a humdrum performance of loveless reaffirmation. That isn’t what you want in your life and it certainly isn’t what you want in your sex life. Even though you are two devout God-fearing individuals, there has to be room for some revitalization in the bedroom. But, in what ways can you “spice” things up without offending your sensibilities or God’s? It can certainly be hard to walk that line.

Foreplay can be an interesting and enjoyable way to find a reinvigorated sense of love, pleasure, and connection with your spouse. It takes the dullness out of an act that has become repetitive and perhaps inane. God didn’t intend for marital sex to be boring. There is nothing wrong with a little romance or sensuality between you and your partner. Playing that up with a little pre-intercourse coquetry can make your sexual experiences with your spouse exciting again. It can also help you feel closer as a couple and closer to God who wants you to be happy and fulfilled in every walk of life.

You might also think that foreplay could be considered sinful or lusty. But, remember, you’re desires are being entirely focused on the person to whom you have committed your entire life. There is an undeniable bond between a married man and woman that is sanctified by God. Any desire for your spouse is natural and shouldn’t have to be cloaked by the proprietary concerns of living biblically. Indeed, Christian sex and romantic love has a biblical foundation that shouldn’t be overlooked.

Sex Games For Christian Couples

Using Sex Games To Spice Up Your Sex Life

sex gamesA great way to spice up a declining sex life and keep the marriage bond stronger is through the use of fun and intimate sex games. Between two consenting married adults, sex is a wonderful, intimate, healthy activity. Sex is not only an expression of love but is also a special force that helps nourish a marital bond. However, sex can get to be stale and even boring sometimes, which is why every couple should be proactive in finding creative ways to keep their spiritual, emotional and physical desire for each other burning all the time.

Christian Couples Sex Games

Many Christians might find the terminology, “sex games” not in sync with their religious beliefs, but this  actually need not be a problem as intimate sex games are not always “dirty”.  In fact, there is a wide range of healthy and wholesome games that Christian couples can incorporate into their sexual repertoire to add a dose of excitement into their sex life. The build up of arousal and anticipation that result from participation in sexually suggestive games will greatly enhance any lovemaking session and keep the sexual relationship from becoming mundane or boring.

Couples who feel guilty about using sex toys can try using board or card games that are designed to help increase intimacy between Christian couples and promote sexual freedom and exploration within the relationship.  Sex games can be as literal as actual well known games – with a little sexy twist to its rules and regulations. Examples are board games like Scrabble that allows only sexy words; and adults-only spin-the-bottle, with “consequences” that involve romantic treats and answering to intimate questions.

Role playing or reenacting a love scene in a movie is also another great way to fire up the body. Couples can opt to watch intimate scenes together and perhaps come up with their own story or scene and act it out.

Adding a little variation to their routine can also result in unexpected excitement. Instead of making love in the marital bed, a couple can explore other places like the bathroom, kitchen counter or table, or couch for their next rendezvous. They can also opt to hold a picnic in a romantic spot, schedule some “couple time” in a local hotel, or flirt with each other during a fun and wet car wash session.

Using props or costumes may help set the mood for love making. With a little imagination, couples can find some not-so innocent uses for ordinary items in the house. For example, the man can play saxophone music, blindfold his wife, and feed her strawberries. As you can see, sex games do not have to be vulgar or offensive to Christians.

Sex Games & Teasers

Sex games need not always involve the sexual act itself. Couples can also use sexy teasers to thrill each other without having to take their clothes off. Note that these are not merely preliminaries to the main event; they can stand on their own as a way to share some laughs, and to make their partners feel good and confident about themselves.

During breakfast, the husband can steal his spouse a secret smile that they both recognize as a promise to a romantic treat. Many experts agree that flirting with your better half is a fun way to reassure your spouse of your unwavering love and affection.  Continue the game even without each other’s company. Leave love notes she may find around the house. Send sexy text messages while he’s at work.

If a couple is in the middle of something as mundane as grocery shopping, the wife can allude to the fact that she’s not wearing underwear, and say it’s just a little preparation for the sensual session ahead.
After an especially tiring day, couples can take turns giving each other slow, sensual massages. They can use aromatic oils or light up some candles to make the moment more relaxing. Full-body massages not only lifts the stresses and tensions of the day, they’re also a romantic treat to make each other feel pampered and loved.

Like sex games, sexy teasers can also help enhance a couple’s sexual activities and can help nourish their marital bond.

infidelityInfidelity is the ultimate betrayal in a marriage or other serious relationship. Especially in the case of marriage, where the commitment is made, the vows are declared and the oath is taken, an affair can spell a crushing blow to a spouse.  Sad to say, infidelity can even rear its ugly head in a Christian marriage.

Infidelity Is Not Always Physical

The damage left by infidelity is not limited to that caused by a physical relationship. Many times the infidelity can be on an emotional basis only. When one spouse turns to a friend or co-worker for an attentive ear, compliment, encouragement or support that is lacking at home, the initial connection is made on the emotional level. Even if it never goes beyond that, an outside person has been allowed into an area that should be reserved for your spouse only.

Online chat, email and text messaging has made it easier to engage in these types of adulterous acts. Pornography is another avenue that, at its very core is an act of unfaithfulness and can have catastrophic effects on a marriage.

Physical as well as emotional infidelity has also become more prevalent in our society as an increasing number of families have found it necessary for both husband and wife to enter the workplace where exposure and temptation is heightened.

What Causes Infidelity?

While these factors may increase the opportunities and the ease with which one might make the decision to have an extra-marital affair, they are not the underlying cause of the infidelity. There are any number of factors that could be involved in the decision to be unfaithful.  Problems at home can range from emotional to financial to sexual.  High levels of stress, isolation and loneliness, peer pressure and even one’s childhood experiences and surroundings can contribute to breaking faithfulness with a partner.

If infidelity does occur in your relationship you have a difficult decision to make. Infidelity can be the end…or it can be a new beginning. Either choice you make will take some work.

The Road After Infidelity

Walking away from the life the two of you have built together is not an easy task, especially with the psychological effects left by having your mate cheat on you.

Making the decision to restore the marriage may also seem to be an impossible undertaking when the betrayal of infidelity is present. But be assured, any relationship can be repaired if you are willing to work at it and follow good advice.

Should you choose to rebuild the marriage, the first step you must make is to determine the underlying cause that led to your partner’s infidelity. This will take some doing, but don’t stop till you find the root. Then begin to work on that part of your marriage.

Even though you were the victim and the one deeply hurt, playing the victim will not help the relationship to move forward. Likewise, neither will pointing the finger of guilt help you to fix what was broken.  If you are going to create a new beginning, you need to leave the past in the past. Though not easy, it will be a necessary part of the recovery process.

With time, healing will come, forgiveness will come, trust will be restored and you will find that your new marriage is stronger than ever before.  Remember, infidelity does not always mean the end.

Christian Sex Beliefs

Christian SexChristian sex beliefs can and will vary from individual to individual. There are sex beliefs which may be right for some while others may consider them to be wrong or even sinful. Because of this, how would you know what is truly right and what is not when it comes to Christian sex? And once you’ve made the choice of what to believe, would you be able to effectively live by those beliefs?

Christian Sex Is Not A Sin

Here’s your first option. Try listening to the different views and open your mind to both sides. Know that Christianity is a vast body and though there is a common reference used by all Christians, the Bible, interpretations of its contents differs from one Christian sect to another, and even among believers in the same sect. Certainly there are some absolutes, but in reference to sex within the bounds of marriage, there is a lot of differing opinions. Sticking to one view without checking out other explanations can limit your Christian sexual life and lead to problems in your Christian marriage. There are instances where couples are led to believe that specific sexual positions and practices are sinful only to find out years later that the sexual positions in question are actually sound practices for Christians.

Christian Sex Guide? You’ve Got To Be Kidding!

Obtaining a good Christian sex guide could prove to be an excellent resource to have. Now I know what you may be thinking; “a sex manual for Christians?” “Isn’t that taboo, even sacrilegious?”  Before you jump to conclusions, I am not talking about anything pornographic in nature.  Even sexual positions can be illustrated in a tasteful fashion without compromising on Christian morals and standards. If you find it difficult to decide which sexual principles to apply, an appropriate sex guide for Christians will come in handy. Not only will it help in broadening your knowledge on sexual beliefs, it will also help you improve your sexual experiences, which is an important part of any marriage, even Christian marriage.

These sort of manuals and books offer wonderful tips and techniques for better Christian sex. There are lots of wonderful intimate techniques and ideas which are specifically intended for Christian couples. These ideas include discussions about the right positions as well as tricks and tips on setting the mood for an exciting intimate night with your partner. Without a doubt, your intimate sexual experience can improve a great deal with the kind of knowledge that these kind of readings offer.

After allowing yourself to be open to different views on the subject and reading a decent Christian sex manual, you would find that these are the two common denominators: safety and enjoyment. Sex for Christians should be safe and enjoyable. Safety is obviously a needed consideration in intimacy while a couple’s sex life is meant to be enjoyable in nature.

Christian Sex Involves Communication

Speaking of enjoyment, a married Christian couple is advised to communicate about their likes and dislikes. Communication is vital to any kind of relationship especially to a marriage. A relationship with open communication brings the couple closer with one another. In terms of sexual conversations, a good subject to ponder on are the aspects of sexual intimacy which are preferable and those that are not. This will help in better understanding your partner’s sexual needs, likes and dislikes.

There is a saying that goes like this: “A mind and a parachute are a lot alike.  The both must be open to work.” You would likely be hard pressed to find a Christian couple who does not wish to improve their intimate moments and sexual routines. It’s just normal for married couples to have those desires. Just remember you can experience satisfying and fulfilling Christian sex without putting your Christian beliefs aside.

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